Embarrassing

I still feel very, very tiny.
I met Marilynn, a grandmother, with the Oxford Experience group this morning during breakfast who apparently loves the violin. I asked if she would like to hear me play, and we made a date to meet at 3 in the afternoon and then we would find a spot from there.
I arrive at 3 spot on with jeans and a t-shirt on, and she and her husband are waiting for me. Peter the director of the Oxford Experience said that I could play in the Cathedral in a little side room. He said there was a German film crew, but not to worry, they were only recording visual. He then told me a very sweet story about a brass quartet that were in informal jeans, tshirts, and silly hats, and rather boozed up, but when they started playing, the whole quad of uniformed students stopped their snickering and became quiet. Don't worry, that wasn't to happen to me.
We walk across the quad, and one of Marilynn's friends saw us and joined us. Peter escorts us, and the two sweet ladies at the front handing out brochures direct me over to the lectern that I could use as a music stand. It was off in the side, but hardly a little room. Tourists were all around and it was a very exposed spot. I unpack, already committed, and just a little bit excited about getting to play in Christ Church Cathedral. Bach is perfect for that, right? I only had music for Partita 1 allemande, which was a bit rough, but I had nothing else and my memory is famous for giving out. I had accidentally grabbed the wrong part. Dr. Eka made me a part that had combined the allemande and the double so you could see how they both had the same chord progression. So I had to skip around and turn some more pages, but no big deal.
They look at me, and make motions for me to play. Some tourists start sitting in the 10 rows of chairs in front of me.
So begins. Did I tell you that it's really hard to play double stops of the first line of Bach's 1st partita allemande in tune? Did I tell you that it's especially hard to play any of the double stops in tune if you haven't warmed up?
Anyways, what I had thought would just be playing for one lady in her room turned out to be me royally butchering Bach in God's and a bunch of tourists' ears and faces. I could hear every out of tune chord echoing to the very edges of a very large cathedral. Hundreds of tourists could hear, and would wander near to see what was creating the mess.
So, the awkward page turn in the middle of some weird V chord, waiting to resolve. As soon as I reach my hand forward, a very angry looking woman in maroon robes rushes up to me and gives me the look of the ages. "Were you booked? What are you doing? Did you know that there is a film crew shooting at this very moment?" I apologized and said I had been told they were only shooting visual, she exploded, "No! They recording audio!"
So, my butchering of Bach is now on some German film. Poor Bach.
Anyways, we were shooed out, and our little party relocated to Karen's rooms.
They really knew violin music. I played through my Bach allemande and double slightly more in tune. They asked for more, so I played the first page of Wienowski, until I hit the fingered octaves that I hadn't gotten yet. Then I played the first page of Lalo until my memory gave out. Still asking for more, I played a random hymn that I don't even remember the name of, but it was under my fingers. They were very sweet, and I thoroughly enjoyed myself, but I was frankly just out of music. My memory is the size of a teaspoon, especially in front of people, and I had left my huge binder of all the stuff I had played with at home. Karen asked if I had played Mozart 4 and 5, Rick asked if I knew Sibelius or Mendelssohn. This was an educated crowd in Oxford. Marilynn's father had apparently been a violinist in Russia and had been asked to join St. Petersburg's conservatory before the war. I played a little bit of Ashokan farewell and finished with "I come to the garden," but I have never felt so empty of music before. I'm playing for them again tomorrow at 4:30 in the music room, and they have invited their friends already. I did enjoy it, but what am I going to play? Shall I IMSLP it up and come up with a program or something?
Phew. I'm used to Katie who just gives me the hymn book and sings alto along with me. They were extremely kind and sweet, and I thoroughly enjoyed their company, but I'm still shaking from the woman in maroon robes chasing me down.
Well, tomorrow I'm actually booked, so no Catface McCormick giving me stern looks and twitching her wand hopefully. Or German film crews.
I still can't believe I got to play in there, even if only for a minute and badly. And I do like getting to know people outside of the Baylor in Oxford group. Good experience, just shaky.